Words of a Lovesick Teen,

I wish a had the audacity to lay out my feelings before you. Tell you how I feel, with no secrets, no holding back. I wish I had the confidence to tell you that I could make you the happiest person on this planet. I could make you feel like you were on top of the world. I search for the brashness to present my thoughts for you. I yearn for my tenacity, just in hope to portray my mindset for you. That this whole time, my feelings have developed from simple lust based on appearance to an intricate infatuation for your entire personality. I stride for the day to be your special someone. But I am lost. Lost in words and admiration, the words that will be the same reason I will hold back. The reason I will hold back everything. I wish everything happened as planned out in my daydreams and in the scenarios I create in my ceiling as I lay still in my cold bed. I want to let you know, I really do. But to be honest, I’m scared. Scared of the negative, scared that there’s that chance that this was all for absolutely nothing, scared that you don’t see this the way that my perspective is set. I’m scared.

Some people worry so much about pleasing others, that they forget that they too, are a person. A person who has needs, who has feelings, a person. They too need to be satisfied, they too need to be happy. When they spend their whole time doing things, and being someone who meets the needs of others, they find themselves in an instance in which there is no more happiness left for themselves, and they end up morose and sorrowful. Sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first, because in the end it’s just you.
Now, I’m not saying to be selfish, I’m saying that it’s pointless to make every single human being on the world smile, if you are empty inside. Yes, making people happy is satisfying, and sometimes it may seem that your job on this world to do so. But you need to be happy too, realize it. If you can make people smile with a genuine smile on your face, then kudos to you.
But to those who dedicate their whole day pleasing others, as if it were a job. A job, that they feel obliged to fulfill. Stop, put yourself first for once.
Just be happy, that’s all.

Too many people go through life complaining about their problems. I’ve always believed that if you took one tenth the enrgy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you’d be surprised by how well things can work out.

This whole time I’ve been so paranoid about stepping out there. Consistently paranoid of what might lay ahead. I’m getting noxious of sitting back as time flies before my very own eyes. I want to do what I want, I want to experience this so called life to the fullest. I’m growing weary of regrets, and tiresome of the ‘what ifs’, I’m ready now. Ready to start walking down this road, no looking back, no stopping to decide whether to go left or right, I’m going to walk, and keep walking.

My whole life, I’ve been afraid to make things happen. My whole life, I’ve sat back and let things go their way, even if I didn’t want them to. I’ve been too scared, too scared of change. No, scratch that, too scared of making the change. I’ve been too scared of standing up and doing something about what is occurring before me. This whole time, I’ve let things go, and in turn, I’m left here with the burden of regrets. Regrets of my lack of action, the creation of ‘what ifs’. If I could do anything, I’d rewind and turn those ‘what ifs’ around, and put them into play, just so I wasn’t stuck here with the constant thought of what would’ve happened. But I’ve been too scared.

It always does, make you my best friend, get close enough so then we could do something with our relationship. That’s where I fall into a blunder, yeah, we’re best friends, I know that’s what my intention was. But it always occurs that they don’t want to ‘lose’ our friendship. So in turn, best friends is all they want to be. Nothing more nothing less. You know how much that sucks? Getting so close, just come to a halt. They say the best friends make the best lovers, but then how do you avoid the friendzone, if that’s what you need to go through to get to the next stage. It’s a complicated game, that’s what. A game that plays with my feelings, and I don’t want to play anymore, it’s too hard. I just want a bestfriend… and a little more.

Goals & Aspirations | 2012

There are so many things I have planned for this upcoming year, it’s motivating. My mindset is so potent to accomplishments, in a way I’m excited for this year.

  • At least a 4.1 GPA.
  • Gain weight, work out.
  • Get my license.
  • Optimism is key.
  • Be more productive.
  • Make the best of what I have.

2012, lets do this.

12/31/11

It feels as if 2011 may have possibly been to much food on my plate. Although self-inflicted, the things I’ve gone through and experienced this year have been destined to shape my future personality, attitude, and everything else. Looking back at all the regrets, all the missed opportunities, all the mistakes, has motivated to set my finish line for the future. It has given me a chance to set that goal, and I’m more than determined to surpass it. All the ‘what ifs’ have turned my whole mind around, giving my purpose a whole new optimistic base. I just want to be good enough, I’m tired of being a disappointment, a waste. Now I’m ready, I’m ready to change. No matter how long it will take, how hard it will be, I’m ready. So throw whatever you want at me, I’ll be waiting.

Sincerely, Aaron Michael.